this post is incredibly vain. These are the lessons I learned in 2015.
Hello
Although it may be a little late to be writing my new years, reflection blog post, BUT I've been sleeping off the holiday hangover, which means catching up on healthy food, exercise regime, SLEEP and you know....never touching alcohol...ever again...
SO BEAR WITH ME
I thought what better time to begin this post, than 4am! And it truly is the best time considering what is usually keeping me up at this hour is racing thoughts anyways.
It's quite common at the beginning of each new year for me to see countless social media post of individuals asking for the new year to be "better to them". I am no stranger to this feeling and am DEFINITELY a culprit of identical posts basically proclaiming the previous year to have sucked. However, reflecting on 2015 I simply cannot bring myself to believe or even consider this last year to be a bad one for me, and this makes me incredibly lucky. This does not mean I did not struggle or face challenges, in fact its safe to say a lot of what I do deem made this year good came out of facing my fears. Thus, proving to me I am capable of so much more than I could have imagined before.
Here are a few of my notable moments:
I will start off by admitting the first few months were somewhat terrible. Its common in my past posts to know I struggled a lot with my anxiety, especially in the latter half of my first year at university. The pressures of school and my newfound independence away from home seemed to have taken over my everyday life making it impossible to enjoy anything I used to like socializing with friends, reading, writing and even frivolous things shopping (SHOPPING?!?!?). For the first time I was dealing with a full course load (previously I had taken a reduced course load to help ease pressure on myself) and taking courses I couldn't imagine myself passing at the same time (at best doing very poorly in). However, I came out of my second semester with straight As and a spot on the honours list, something I never believed someone with anxiety and low self esteem could ever do.
But that wasn't the complete story either. Being in university I often found myself being surrounded by people doing things I found morally questionable. Now this doesn't relate to just drugs, alcohol and parties, actually a very small part of it does, however I was often put into situations where I felt uncomfortable or made decisions that surprised myself. I had always lived by a strict set of beliefs that I felt made me a good person. I realized this year that I was just being too damn uptight! I will spare you the details, but it really made me reflect on what I had previously believed was right and wrong. I had never really gotten the chance to experience life and all the obstacles it can throw at you, in fact I had been incredibly sheltered. I am being fabulously vague here but to be short it made me realize life is not often black and white and you cannot live by a given set of rules or morals without sometimes questioning what you believe in when presented with a different situation than you're used to (my year was full of situations I was definitely not used to). It allows you to grow as a person and be aware of yourself. It also prevents you from becoming one of those bitter old grandparents boring their grand kids with their closed-minded, uneducated thoughts!!!!
This summer was also the first time I had ever taken the opportunity to work full time. To be honest it wasn't because I was never given the opportunity it was because I was lazy and wanted to spend my summer sleeping a lot. This summer I told myself I needed to put on my big girl pants and provide myself with some financial freedom (a rent money for next semester). I worked almost every week day this summer and surprisingly, I absolutely loved it. I felt independent, had less anxiety from useless things due to the distractions of working, I felt like I was my days had importance, I gained work experience that was extremely helpful to finding future jobs and the best part was I was making enough to even splurge a little on myself. I planned my first vacations without my parents and even travelled alone, something I had never done before (as I said I was incredibly sheltered). It was nice to not have to wait around anymore for a fun opportunity to come my way. For the first time I felt as if I had some control over my life and my happiness. It opened my eyes to the opportunities I could have with hard work and introduced me to how scary as hell it can be to throw yourself into independence sometimes. It seems so small to get all this from working but once again, it allowed me to get a new perspective on what I am capable of and the possibilities right in front of me. So many of the experiences I desire to have are completely possible if I work, plan properly and well in advance, save and budget. Because of this I now have I poster in my room quoting "the world is your oyster."
This summer I also followed a strict workout routine and ate healthier than I had in a very long time. I was able to take off that freshman weight I felt so terrible about and gain a lot of energy. It was exciting to wake up every day knowing I was working towards a goal and it was actually very easy not to lose sight of it when it was something I had to continuously incorporate into my every day schedule and routine. Despite only losing a few pounds, I got a lot stronger than I had ever been and this surprisingly helped with my confidence. And not just because I felt I looked better, but because I knew I could fIGHT ANYONE WHO DID ME WRONG (who wasn't over 4 ft tall and 100 lbs). The point is for once I didn't feel weak, I felt healthy and strong and like I was, again CAPABLE of doing so much more.
Coming into the last 4 months of 2015 and the beginning of my second year at university, I was able to take the lessons from the previous 8 months and live happier, CALMER and appreciate more. I allowed myself more breaks and nights out knowing my grades wouldn't suffer immensely and picked myself up after a bad grade realizing it wasn't the end of the world. I learned to appreciate and love those important in my life more, and forget those who really don't care about me. I realized I don't need to be perfect of act perfect for things to go right for me. I realized its okay to ask for help, and it's ridiculous to think you know everything and you'll be your most successful on your own. Family and close friends really are the most important. I can't think of many people I have remained in contact with for more than 2 years, except for those select few. I realized it's okay to have high expectations but don't allow them to leave you disappointed, especially if they depend on others actions. Nobody can read your mind or know what you want without you telling them. You don't need to settle in relationshipsI realized I don't need to feel bad about what I like, what I want or what I do, this lesson came especially from deciding to share this personal blog publicly on my twitter account (@jadezavarella foLLOW ME).
This post was vague, short, a little redundant and cliche, however it is hard to write about the entirety of your experiences in one post without it getting boring and its even tougher to organize your thoughts in the middle of the night (it is now 6:30 am). These lessons came out of realizing I should always look to improve myself if I choose to be happy and not settling for what I believe I am stuck with (you are never stuck), but they also came out of realizing the little things matter because in the long run they are the big things.
ON THAT NOTE AFTER THAT CLICHE I NEED TO CATCH SOME SHUT EYE
I encourage you all to take some time and reflect on what you have learned over the last year. It is rewarding and helps you recognize what you really want for the upcoming year, and how to achieve it.
Comment some of your goals and lessons below :)
Till' next time
Jade
Although it may be a little late to be writing my new years, reflection blog post, BUT I've been sleeping off the holiday hangover, which means catching up on healthy food, exercise regime, SLEEP and you know....never touching alcohol...ever again...
SO BEAR WITH ME
I thought what better time to begin this post, than 4am! And it truly is the best time considering what is usually keeping me up at this hour is racing thoughts anyways.
It's quite common at the beginning of each new year for me to see countless social media post of individuals asking for the new year to be "better to them". I am no stranger to this feeling and am DEFINITELY a culprit of identical posts basically proclaiming the previous year to have sucked. However, reflecting on 2015 I simply cannot bring myself to believe or even consider this last year to be a bad one for me, and this makes me incredibly lucky. This does not mean I did not struggle or face challenges, in fact its safe to say a lot of what I do deem made this year good came out of facing my fears. Thus, proving to me I am capable of so much more than I could have imagined before.
Here are a few of my notable moments:
I will start off by admitting the first few months were somewhat terrible. Its common in my past posts to know I struggled a lot with my anxiety, especially in the latter half of my first year at university. The pressures of school and my newfound independence away from home seemed to have taken over my everyday life making it impossible to enjoy anything I used to like socializing with friends, reading, writing and even frivolous things shopping (SHOPPING?!?!?). For the first time I was dealing with a full course load (previously I had taken a reduced course load to help ease pressure on myself) and taking courses I couldn't imagine myself passing at the same time (at best doing very poorly in). However, I came out of my second semester with straight As and a spot on the honours list, something I never believed someone with anxiety and low self esteem could ever do.
But that wasn't the complete story either. Being in university I often found myself being surrounded by people doing things I found morally questionable. Now this doesn't relate to just drugs, alcohol and parties, actually a very small part of it does, however I was often put into situations where I felt uncomfortable or made decisions that surprised myself. I had always lived by a strict set of beliefs that I felt made me a good person. I realized this year that I was just being too damn uptight! I will spare you the details, but it really made me reflect on what I had previously believed was right and wrong. I had never really gotten the chance to experience life and all the obstacles it can throw at you, in fact I had been incredibly sheltered. I am being fabulously vague here but to be short it made me realize life is not often black and white and you cannot live by a given set of rules or morals without sometimes questioning what you believe in when presented with a different situation than you're used to (my year was full of situations I was definitely not used to). It allows you to grow as a person and be aware of yourself. It also prevents you from becoming one of those bitter old grandparents boring their grand kids with their closed-minded, uneducated thoughts!!!!
This summer was also the first time I had ever taken the opportunity to work full time. To be honest it wasn't because I was never given the opportunity it was because I was lazy and wanted to spend my summer sleeping a lot. This summer I told myself I needed to put on my big girl pants and provide myself with some financial freedom (a rent money for next semester). I worked almost every week day this summer and surprisingly, I absolutely loved it. I felt independent, had less anxiety from useless things due to the distractions of working, I felt like I was my days had importance, I gained work experience that was extremely helpful to finding future jobs and the best part was I was making enough to even splurge a little on myself. I planned my first vacations without my parents and even travelled alone, something I had never done before (as I said I was incredibly sheltered). It was nice to not have to wait around anymore for a fun opportunity to come my way. For the first time I felt as if I had some control over my life and my happiness. It opened my eyes to the opportunities I could have with hard work and introduced me to how scary as hell it can be to throw yourself into independence sometimes. It seems so small to get all this from working but once again, it allowed me to get a new perspective on what I am capable of and the possibilities right in front of me. So many of the experiences I desire to have are completely possible if I work, plan properly and well in advance, save and budget. Because of this I now have I poster in my room quoting "the world is your oyster."
This summer I also followed a strict workout routine and ate healthier than I had in a very long time. I was able to take off that freshman weight I felt so terrible about and gain a lot of energy. It was exciting to wake up every day knowing I was working towards a goal and it was actually very easy not to lose sight of it when it was something I had to continuously incorporate into my every day schedule and routine. Despite only losing a few pounds, I got a lot stronger than I had ever been and this surprisingly helped with my confidence. And not just because I felt I looked better, but because I knew I could fIGHT ANYONE WHO DID ME WRONG (who wasn't over 4 ft tall and 100 lbs). The point is for once I didn't feel weak, I felt healthy and strong and like I was, again CAPABLE of doing so much more.
Coming into the last 4 months of 2015 and the beginning of my second year at university, I was able to take the lessons from the previous 8 months and live happier, CALMER and appreciate more. I allowed myself more breaks and nights out knowing my grades wouldn't suffer immensely and picked myself up after a bad grade realizing it wasn't the end of the world. I learned to appreciate and love those important in my life more, and forget those who really don't care about me. I realized I don't need to be perfect of act perfect for things to go right for me. I realized its okay to ask for help, and it's ridiculous to think you know everything and you'll be your most successful on your own. Family and close friends really are the most important. I can't think of many people I have remained in contact with for more than 2 years, except for those select few. I realized it's okay to have high expectations but don't allow them to leave you disappointed, especially if they depend on others actions. Nobody can read your mind or know what you want without you telling them. You don't need to settle in relationshipsI realized I don't need to feel bad about what I like, what I want or what I do, this lesson came especially from deciding to share this personal blog publicly on my twitter account (@jadezavarella foLLOW ME).
This post was vague, short, a little redundant and cliche, however it is hard to write about the entirety of your experiences in one post without it getting boring and its even tougher to organize your thoughts in the middle of the night (it is now 6:30 am). These lessons came out of realizing I should always look to improve myself if I choose to be happy and not settling for what I believe I am stuck with (you are never stuck), but they also came out of realizing the little things matter because in the long run they are the big things.
ON THAT NOTE AFTER THAT CLICHE I NEED TO CATCH SOME SHUT EYE
I encourage you all to take some time and reflect on what you have learned over the last year. It is rewarding and helps you recognize what you really want for the upcoming year, and how to achieve it.
Comment some of your goals and lessons below :)
Till' next time
Jade
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